Freshly, at 35!

As the year 2009 is about to end, starting a new decade yet again, I sit back and think about the past year and the past decade. In retrospect, the decade has been quite eventful to me and to the world around. The starting of the millenium, which was quite hyped up by everyone. The end of the recession which started in 1999, especially in the software sector. The fateful 9/11 attacks. The preceding war on Afghanistan. My wedding. Moving to Bangalore. Having a baby. Quitting job. Moving to Singapore. My daughter joins the nursery school. The closure of several American banks and the start of another recession. Having another baby.  Obama wins. Swine flu spreads around the world. And now my elder daughter is all set to start her primary school, as my younger one turns one year old.

In between all these, a decade has passed. So, now I, at 35, starting my journey into the middle age, am thinking about my life - what have I achieved, and what do I want from it?! I did well at school. I did well at college. I earned a place in the University. Did my Masters in Computer Applications. I secured a job in  campus selections. Worked for five years. Was good at the job. Have a happily married life. A wonderful and loving husband. Two extremely cute kids. Loving in-laws. And happy parents.

To any reader, my life would seem perfectly happy life of an average woman.  So what is missing? There is only one thing missing in this fairytale life of mine. My identity!!  The satisfaction I had after a long days work at office. The pride, with which I used to say, I would never remain just as a housewife. And the independence, with which I had bought a car of my own. What am I today? Someone's wife. Mother of two. Yes! I wanted to be all these. Am happy about it. But I want more. I want to be someone, who has own identity. Maybe I should return to my job as a software engineer. Or maybe become an artist, a designer, a teacher. Now at 35, I want to listen to my true calling. I want to know what is it that I would love to do for the rest of my life. And work forward in that direction. In this decade, when people, literally half my age, seem to be so sure of their true calling, I wonder if I am too late. Late or not, if I need fulfillment in my life, I do need to try and work towards what I really want to do. It would be much easier now, I guess. With no pressure of any kind as such. As I jot down, I realize, this IS the time to work towards it.

So afresh, on this new year, as a new decade will be dawning in, I resolve to understand my true calling, and work on it for the coming years. I have some other resolutions also to make. I want to blog more regularly. I want to be a better mother and a more understanding wife. I want to paint a landscape in oil and I want to learn to sketch more fluently. And last but not the least, I want to have a healthier lifestyle and also shed some weight.

With these resolutions in mind, I am ready and looking forward for 2010. Hope I will learn to appreciate life even more as I begin this yet another journey.

As the sky turns a shade darker,

the sun going down,

shines his last shimmer.

Tomorrow, is a new dawn

a promise he makes.

'For how long?' I shudder

perhaps loosing faith...

'For as long as hope

lives on earth'

his messenger shines!